Hard Love

Have you noticed over the year (I KNOW, a whole year!) how schitzo I am? No? Well read the last post then read this one:

I'm so completely smitten. New boy than last, but so very smitten. 5 hours on the phone last night kinda pushed me over the edge. Staying up until 5am when waking up is required at 7.30am is not advisable...usually. There are extenuating (and too good to pass up) circumstances to take into consideration of course. Fun times are to be had tomorrow, with said smitten(ee?)(Is that how the tense works? Smittenee...? Well...now it does) I'm pretty excited, but as I am prone to do, will refrain from talking about it (shocker eh?); would like not to jinx it. That'd be a tale of unfortunate events (minus the s, since it's just the one...event...)


PS. I love you.
PPS. I think you'll find http://throughmusicandhardlove.blogspot.com so very tasteful. Yes, finally, new blog up! :) Hope you love it like I do, like a little baby chick.

Someone I can love

Some people really know how to bullshit. Just when you think your radar has been upgraded to foolproof and airtight, someone comes along to shit all over it. Thank gosh it wasn't literal, that would've been messier...physically. Emotionally, I'm filthier now than ever before.

Dog days are over

So I pretty much let the cat out of the bag about my (hopefully) new blog about musak that'll be starting soon...ie tomorrow. First concert will be at the Starlite Room (my hangout...I WISH) where Shout Out Out Out, Christian Hansen and the Autistics, and the Whitsundays will be playing. I'm so crazy excited you wouldn't believe it if you saw it with your own eyes.

BUT, confession. I might, just might, be excited for tomorrow for more than one reason. See, there's this fella (doesn't every tragedy start off somewhere along those lines?). He's pretty darn cute, and well...honestly just all around lovely. WARNING: girly moment...and I'm not lying when I say he is literally everyyything I could've wanted. Which is the part that FREAKS me out. You know, they always say the things in life that are too good to be true are. Everyone always hopes they find an exception...but really, I'm hoping I'm like one of those lottery cases...where the person was at a dead-end job going nowheres in life playing the same numbers every week for 20 years and then one day BAM! $40 million+ winner. That fella would be my lottery winnings, IF I so happen to "win" for reals.

And I hope you weren't fretting too much when I told you I'd be starting another blog. You'll always be my first love (well, not really since I was with MSN spaces before thee)...but you will always be my most memorable. OH and haha kinda made a fakeout there...I'm still going to have this one up and running. Obviously! I wouldn't go through this much work (and typing) to just throw it all away. I believe we can make this relationship work with a little bit of effort, time and a whole lotta drama. Which you know, I am full of ;)

Forget you

So I know again, I've been ignoring you as of late. But honestly it's not been my fault really. I do love you, and I cherish the moments we have together...But life is meant to be lived (or some b.s like that). I know you don't do well with cliches but I have nothing else to offer but my undying love and apologies (even though it will happen again...). Don't worry though, it's not like there's someone else in the picture or anything...I just can't handle an intense relationship right now.

Do you still wanna be caught up? Or do you just not give a fck anymore? Well I'll tell, you listen (or at least look in my direction and pretend to listen? That would be most appreciative lover).
The gist of my life at the moment (as is the gist of my life most moments):
Boys complicate everything, but life would be excruciatingly boring without them.

1 Boy doesn't know what he wants and is too chicken to break up with a chicka, but has no problem stringing her along. Also, not the nicest thing in the world to not come straight out and tell me anything about the situation...Man up and let the cookie crumb where it may? Or some sort of philosophical saying to that effect.

1 Boy knows what he wants, which happens to be me, and feelings are not exactly reciprocated. My bad for temporarily leading him on, but his bad for taking it so seriously! Boys aren't supposed to do that kinda thaang (I thought). My bad for not telling him we should just be friends sooner...as well as holding boy #1's hand in front of him last night. ALSO my bad for playing Sociables (which I have concluded is the root of all evil; formula for why to follow once I work out all the kinks in the system)

1 Boy likes me crazy much but is crazy far away, and younger than me, and pretty immature, and also does not know what he wants.

1 Boy likes me crazy much but is crazy far away, and younger than me, and not immature, but is the best friend of boy #3

Etc. Boys each have their own drama and are getting to be too much to handle. See this is why playas have to shut off their feelings, it gets to be too much, and some people just need to be dropped. But how can I drop one friend and not the other. That doesn't make sense now does it. I know I'm rambling and making excuses...

I'm just thrilled that I leave for Australia on Tuesday aka 4 days. Holy mother, 4 days. I didn't even realize it was that quick. Oh FML, I thought you knew already? Did you not.....? But love, you'll always be in my heart I promise. No Aussie boy could ever take me from the beauty that is you. I promise to TRY to write to you before I leave. If not, I'm sure you will be like my diary while I'm away. IF NOT, then I love you, you'll stay infatuated with me, and we will speak upon my return.

P.S. Boys are squishier than once thought
P.P.S. Boys are apparently people too, try to keep this in mind when treating them like a typical boy would treat a girl. Or not. Since they never seem to remember that we have feelings too.
P.P.P.S. I lied about Sociables being the root of all evil. Boys are. OK that was harsh, but it's 0754 and I slept at 0200 or so...it's a wonder I can type at all.
P.P.P.P.S You are too gorgeous for me, and I don't deserve to be in the presense of such a majestical being < 3
P(X5).S. I'm sorry for being so blunt about lads in front of you/to your face. But I feel like you're the only one to not give me the "I'm-ashamed-of-you-permanently" look. Right?


OH and note to self: stop partying on weekdays. It never leads to good things. Ever.